Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Adventures of DangerBoy!

Okay, I got all the kids down and it's only 7:17pm! YESSSSSS-- they are DOWN. Down as in down for bed! Can you believe it? I barely can!!!  I bet you're wondering how on earth I managed to get my crew of six monkeys down before 8 o'clock. Ask me. You know you want to.

Okay, you don't have to twist my arm. I'll tell you. But, shhhh... don't tell the kids. They'll be sooo mad at me.

Promise? Pinky Promise? Cross you heart? Okay, good. You're sooo gonna love this!!!!

I set all the clocks in the whole house forward 45 minutes.


You think that's wrong?!!

Is tricking my children into bed at such an early hour just so I can maintain my sanity have some peace and quiet all to myself wrong?  I guess it is kinda cruel. But what they don't know won't hurt them, right? It helps that it's winter right now too. There's no daylight out. It's gonna be awfully hard to keep this lie going come summer. I guess I'll just have to enjoy it while I can (insert evil laugh----muuuuahhhhhh!). But seriously, help me out here. I'm trying to make myself feel better about doing this! Besides, daddy works nights and I have all the responsibilities of homework, cheer, karate, dinner, cleanup, oh and safety too (that's a whole nuther story I'll tell you about in a bit) all on poor lil 'ol me. So the question is...why didn't I think about this sooner???!!!

The reason I needed them down so early is because I have so much CRAP to do!!!! I'm overwhelmed. Luckily, cheer practice got canceled today. As sad as I was that it was canceled (I say that sarcastically), I managed to get some really important stuff done (like laundry) that ordinarily would have been pushed back to the end of my day. I also saved some time by making them a quick dinner. Hot dogs, fries, and fruit cups. Every kid likes that which meant no complaints or long fights with a certain particular, picky child ahem* cough*Elizabeth to eat her food. I had just enough hot dogs to feed each of the six kids and myself until I remembered that I had an extra mouth to feed because Elizabeth brought a friend home from school today. I can't make that child watch us all eat in front of her. That would be wrong. Wronger than tricking your kids. So being the kind person that I am (and the fact that I remembered I had just bought some Snickers Ice Cream Bars today at Target... Did you know Target sold those?... I didn't!... But as soon as I saw them I threw a box [thought about taking 3 boxes] into the cart)...but, I digress.... Remembering those Snickers Bars in the garage freezer, I grudgingly gave up my hot dog to the poor starving friend of my dear Elizabeth.

I could hear those Snickers Bars calling my name the whole time I was serving the kids their dinner. They wouldn't stop screaming for me even while the kids were brushing their teeth. So that's when I did it... that's when the idea hit me to set the clocks forward almost a whole hour.

One hour closer to my ice cream dinner.

Then, while they were getting their PJ's on, I heard those damn Snickers yell out, "if you don't eat me right now, I'll tell the kids that I'm in here."

I called out to the Snickers, "SHUTUP! Those darn kids are gonna hear you. They don't know you're in there yet!"

But apparently, they didn't listen. The screaming got louder and louder until I just couldn't take it anymore. I caved. I yelled at the kids to get upstairs, "Go upstairs. Go NOW. And STAY UP THERE. And while you're up there, keep an eye on Ben too." I used the excuse that I had to clean the kitchen. But we both know that 'clean the kitchen' was really code for 'sneak into the garage and grab myself my long awaited dinner.' I admit it. I'm not going to lie. I ate my ice cream bar inside the downstairs closet. I hid in between all the hanging coats, the basket full of diapers, a vacuum cleaner (I think the vacuum was jealous), and five umbrellas. I made sure to keep the lights off so that I couldn't accidentally be discovered by any of those six kids. Sometimes they like to sneak downstairs even after I tell them to stay up there. So I made sure to really stay hidden until each and every last bite of that caramel goodness was gone. And I will also admit that I almost thought about grabbing myself another one. Almost.

Anyways, that's what I ate for dinner.

Now where was I before I went off on that tangent about dinner? Oh.....yes... I have sooo much CRAP to get done tonight. I really do need to clean my kitchen and that's not code for anything. I have to keep at the dent I've made in the mountains of laundry we have right now. And I have to sew some poodle skirts for the Father/Daughter Sock Hop Dance next week.

Sigh. Such is life with six kids and no daddy home. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Really, I'm not. Okay, maybe just a little.

Anyways. Back to the chores.


But, blogging is sooo much more entertaining. Don't you think? Plus, it doesn't take as much energy cuz the only thing moving is my fingers. I just don't have the energy in me to move anything else right now. Besides, I got some stuff to catch you up on. The chores are there and they aren't going anywhere, right?

Still blogging.

Just blogging.

Heyyyyy... that reminds me of the part in the movie, Nemo. "Just keep swimming blogging, just keep swimming  blogging... I love that movie! Don't you remember the part where Dory says to.... okay ... I know.. I know...I watch too many kid movies... Nevermind.

Hmmmm.... what else can we talk about since I just seemed to have made up my mind to blog instead of clean, launder, or sew. That's your fault cuz I know you're reading this. I definitely would be doing chores instead of blogging if I knew this blog wasn't getting read. See... it's your fault.

Oh, yes I know what we can talk about! Actually, I'll do the talking (or typing, rather). Because I'd like to tell you a story. A story I named-- The Adventures of DangerBoy! Daddy likes the name-- Destruct-O-Boy better, so I'll entertain you by alternating between the two names. You pick whichever one you want, I really don't care. Just pay attention to my story, okay?

Ready? Got your popcorn? Okay, here we go....

Once upon a time, there lived an adorable *wink*  little boy who loved to climb (hmmm, bet you know exactly which kid this is about). He loved heights. He loved danger. He feared nothing. (I bet you know where this is going too...) So anyways, this boy we'll call, DangerBoy, went to an amusement park we'll call Knotts Berry Farm to enjoy the day with his family and watch his three eldest sisters compete in a State Cheer Competition which just so happened to be held at the same park. Now, while Desctruct-O-Boy's mommy went into the competition auditorium to collect his three cheer sisters and to bring them down to where DangerBoy himself, his daddy and other siblings were waiting, Destruct-O-Boy decided to see what kind of trouble he could get into. What's new, right?! Apparently, Dangerboy found some trouble lurking in a nearby trashcan. (or just maybe... there were ice cream bars in there calling his name, Beeeeennnnnnn. Okay, probably not. That only happens to me.) Where was I.... there was trouble lurking in the trash can and DangerBoy decided to see what it was all about. Daddy happened to turn his back for one quick second. DangerBoy knew this was his only chance. WHOOOOSHHH!!!! As speedy as a lightning bolt, Destruct-O-Boy darted to the can and pulled himself up with all his might.

Now, here's where the story gets good.

Are you listening????

DangerBoy didn't make it into the can as planned. Not even a little bit. Instead, the not bolted to the ground fiberglass trashcan came toppling down onto DangerBoy's beautiful untouched, unmarked face.


Did this stop him? Well, yes... for the moment.

DangerBoy's daddy ran over to the can as fast as he possibly could to rescue the trouble seeking boy. He pulled the can off DangerBoy's body expecting a bruise or maybe just a frightened little expression on his face. But instead... Daddy was met with an ugly laceration and a large amount of blood pooling onto Dangerboy's little babyface. Unscarred he was no more. Because of that incident, DangerBoy's face will forever be evidence of his day wrestling with the big, red can.

As you can imagine, Destruct-O-Boy's mommy was quite shocked when she arrived down in the food court to see Daddy holding a cloth to DangerBoy's forehead and staring back at her with an 'OH SH*T, YOU'RE SO GONNA KILL ME FOR NOT WATCHING HIM' look on his face. Now so many thoughts were going thru DangerBoys momma's head at that very moment. And yes, she will admit, that was definitely one of them. But she was a remarkable, young woman and an honorable wife. In those few seconds of seeing her bloody son, she decided that because of this little boy's hyperactivity, surely, this was something that could have happened in her care as well. She desired to be the most enviable marriage partner and to not mention anything to Destruct-O-Boy's father about those horrible 'how could you' thoughts that entered her mind for a millisecond. Instead, she concentrated on what's more important at the moment, which was not passing out everytime his daddy moved the cloth to check the bleeding.

Both his momma and Knott's associates called 9-1-1. And very shortly after, daddy and Destruct-O-Boy were wisked via ambulance to the nearest hospital. It was there, at that very hospital, where DangerBoy woo'ed the hearts of a nurse, or two, maaaaybe even three, all the while braving his injury and being stitched up 7x.



Sadly, Destruct-O-Boy only got to take a spin on ONE whole ride before his trashcan debacle. And Sadly, because of his rambunctiousness, the plans to spend the rest of the day after competition riding all the amusement park rides as a family never happened. Rather, the lovely three cheer girls won their trophies (1st place in cheer and 2nd for Hip Hop) and the bandaged up DangerBoy and his family went on their merry way home.

DangerBoy lived the rest of his life with the female attracting scar across his face. In fact, the very next day he was searching for the next adventure to tackle. Joyfully though, he and the rest of his family lived happily ever after.

To Be Continued...

(pics will be posted later)
Ahhh....I hope you enjoyed this non-fictional story. Yes, this just happened this past weekend. I'd post some pictures but it's getting awfully late and..... sigh.......back to reality. Or at least my reality. It seems that just as I guessed they would, just now, four of those disobeying children seemed to have found their way out of their nice warm beds. I hear much laughter up there as they entertain themselves in the upstairs hallway, thinking that mommy is too busy or too tired to even care. HA! I'll show them! Those darn kids should be in bed sleeping, cuz it's 9:45 10:45 already! I just screamed up there, "just wait til I tell your father you're still awake." But I only heard 1 pair of feet go running. Those darn kids are getting too smart! I bet that one pair of running feet was from the youngest of the four. That child hasn't lived long enough to know that mommy doesn't usually follow thru with her little threats. So, unfortunately, I'm sorry, but you will have to excuse me now while I go spank my kids, pull out my hair, and maybe eat another Snickers Bar tuck my sweet lil angels back into their fluffy warm beds.

Goodnight. Sweet Dreams, Bloggy Readers.


  1. I am laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face!!! You are too funny Christine and need to really write a book!!! Turning the clock back and eating that ice cream was a riot. I am sure many Mom's have been there and done something similiar to get sanity and peace for a little while at least! Poor Ben! I love the title Danger-Boy. Looking forward to seeing the pictures. Congrats to the girls and give Ben a great big hug & kiss from me.Thank God for those Snickers huh? Still laughing........
    Love, Lynn

  2. Your blog is AWESOME. I don't know how you do it with when you have your six, my two, Aracely's one....etc. etc. etc. You are an exceptional person