A little early for a NOT ME MONDAY

but I had to share!

I was NOT getting ready for bed the other night and excitedly pulling back the covers on my bed with a devious grin because alas the most favorite time of my day had arrived! I did NOT pull back my sheets to find a whole weenie waiting for me! And it was NOT the kind of weenie you all are thinking of!!! Get your dirty little minds out of the gutter, bloggie readers!!! (I'm talking about a hot dog weenie.) I still am NOT sure how that got there or even how long it sat there. I surely do NOT remember it from the night before, but then again by the time bedtime arrives I can hardly see so by all means it could have been there for a whole week. But no worries, it did NOT have fuzz on it.
 

Yesterday, I did NOT decide that Matthew's hair was looking kinda bushy and could undergo a cut of some kind. I did NOT decide that I was NOT gonna waste my hard earned money on a haircut in a fancy shmancy salon or barber shop when surely I could do it myself at home! Mind you, I have NEVER taken  haircutting/cosmetology course of any kind. Mind you that I have mostly girls and am NOT sure how hair clippers even work. I'm sure you know where this is going... I did NOT almost make my kid bald by  accidentally using a 1 instead of a 4 when cutting his hair!



before

I did NOT start crying! I did NOT repeat to him and myself, "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God. What have I done?!!!! Get a hat and get in the car, QUICK!" I did NOT drive like a bat out of hell to SuperCuts. The haircut lady did NOT laugh at me and she did NOT have to fix my attempts. I did NOT feel like the worst mommy ever. I could NOT resist imagining him getting made fun of by cruel, mean kids at school the next day and how that might screw up my kids self-confidence and surely damage him for LIFE! I did NOT make both him and myself feel better by buying him NOT one but TWO new pairs of shoes so that at least his feet would look decent! HE most surely does NOT look like an army recruit right now.

 

After



I was NOT running behind schedule last night with dinner and baths. It was NOT 9:00 when the little ones finally got into the bath. Benjamin did NOT sneak a mini stapler into the bathtub last night. Megan did NOT find it and pinch her little pinky with it. She did NOT need a band-aid at almost 10:00 pm because surely she was fast asleep in her warm bed. I was NOT thinking, "where the hell is my husband when I need him? I do NOT feel like a single mother when daddy's at work or worse - like the little old lady who lived in a shoe she had so many kids she didn't know what to do!"  Her pinky looks fine by the way so stop worrying.  I did NOT come downstairs after the kids were in bed to find Ewok on top of the dinner table munching their uneaten dinner. I did NOT picture my foot on his rear and his little doggy body flying through the air like this...

Okay, I did. But don't worry. I didn't really do that! I love that damn loyal dog. I did NOT ditch the gym last night and instead have a nice chilled glass of wine prior to going to bed.

Megs did NOT just remind me that she got a boo-boo last night in the shower and the ONLY thing that would make her feel better was a piece of chocolate (smart girl, eh? Takes after her mommy). She did NOT just bring me this Easter decoration that my father bought me last year and tell me to "open please."

 Something tells me she's thinking it's one of these chocolate candies!

I am NOT 13 days late on Brianna's birthday post!

Sigh. I need another glass of wine. And thanks to Meggies I'm craving some chocolate now, too-