Last But First

See this picture. To me, it says: "Oh no, there she goes rambling again!" Yes, Emily, here I go again!!!!

(Emily, 2004)

Right now, I'm a bit emotional. Just a little bit. No need to worry though, I think its all very normal. My pregnancy is coming to an end. And I can't help but think of the ugly word "LAST". This is my LAST month of being pregnant, with my LAST child. It will be the LAST time I feel a playful little kick, a foot in the rib, or the soothing rhythm of hiccups from an unborn child. I will NEVER again be approached by a perfect stranger asking to rub my belly. Or asking me if this is my FIRST pregnancy! I will NEVER again get to play along with her and tell her that indeed, it is my first pregnancy, the whole time laughing to myself because I have soooo many little rugrats at home! If only she knew! This will be my LAST time rushing to the hospital in the middle of the night- eager to meet my child. My LAST time getting pampered by the nurses in the hospital, or even by my visitors. My LAST time nursing a hungry baby. NEVER again, will I get to watch my unborn child move about inside me, or an elbow slide across my belly. I will NEVER get to hear another unborn baby's heartbeat or watch a new life appear on an ultrasound screen right before my eyes. So many LASTS. It is bittersweet because with the end of all these LASTS starts so many FIRSTS!

(Matthew's FIRST time at the beach, 2008)

I have soooo enjoyed this LAST pregnancy, although it flew by! Right now, I'm a bit uncomfortable. My lower back aches and my tummy itches. Somebody let "charlie" the horse out of the corral, he's been running loose in my calves! I have lots and lots of Braxton Hicks contractions. Oh, did I mention my sausage legs, I'm swelling too! Fortunately, daddy reminds me as often as possible how beautiful he thinks I am. Although, something tells me he's missing the 'old' me. Ya know, the skinnier version.

(Hawaii, 2007)

Baby days.

They. are. coming. to. an. end.

My childbearing days are really over with. It is almost time to say goodbye to this chapter of my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited to start the new chapter. The one where I get to watch the children grow up and enjoy them all in the different ages and stages of life. I get to help my daughters grow into beautiful young women and my sons into strong, yet caring gentlemen. I'll get to spend more time with my husband without a wiggly child between us begging for attention or interupting another 'adult' conversation. No more bottles, no more diapers.

(Matthew, 2006) Perhaps my future holds some more 'adult' kinda vacations. More dates with daddy. And the best part, less childcare costs!!

(Anniversary trip, 2007)

But I know that when I'm old and I ponder back to my younger days in life, I will always remember these years as my favorite. There's just something about a new little baby in the house!

(Megan, 3 months)

Ben, When I go to my Dr appts, I get to hear your heartbeat. My own heart skips a beat and I break out in smile. My Dr. laughs at me. Perhaps, he thinks I should be used to this by now. Perhaps, because he gets to hear fetal heartbeats a hundred times a day it is no big deal to him. But, please know, as with every one of my pregnancies, (and even though you are my LAST child) to me, it is still music to my ears, like hearing it for the very first time. Mommy's eyes still fill with tears; I am still in awe. I am reminded of how amazing conception is. The ending result= YOU. If you think about it, pregnancy is a miracle. So many things can go wrong, and yet I've been blessed with 5 healthy (and beautiful) babies. You will be here very soon, son. Boy, oh boy, are we excited to have another 'lil guy around the house! I can't wait to meet you! ~ Love, Mommy

"Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of Mother's Love."-- Maureen Hawkins